What Would You Name Your Kid?
by septasonicxx
Summary: Zack has an important question for his friends, but they don't seem too eager to help. Angeal knows something. Cloud's along for the ride. No pairings.


A/N: I found the first half of this story today, an unfinished project also from 2010, and decided to finish it off because it amused me. It's just a bit of random humour, and I hope you enjoy it! :) Review?

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><p>The front door opened and Angeal looked up from where he was preparing dinner for his two house mates. A tall young man with black hair that fell haphazardly into his eyes entered the apartment. He was closely followed by a shorter young man with blond hair that looked as though he had just woken up.<p>

"Zack," Angeal said. "Hi um, what is Cloud doing here?"

"He needs a place to stay," Zack said, while he squirmed awkwardly.

"Only if you don't mind!" Cloud spoke up quickly.

Angeal glanced between the two of them: the mischievous young SOLDIER and the shy, out-of-place young grunt.

"Take it up with Sephiroth," he said before turning back to the food.

"Okay Cloud, you go talk to Sephiroth and I'll put our stuff in the spare room. Which one is it Angeal?"

"Last bedroom down the hall on the right," Angeal said, glancing over his shoulder briefly to look at Zack.

"Sweet!" Zack skipped off down the hall, slamming the door rather frantically as he reached the room.

Cloud looked as though he'd just seen a ghost with Hojo's face.

"Do you want me to get him for you?" Angeal asked without looking up.

"Uh, uh," Cloud swallowed. "Not really."

"Okay then," Angeal said calmly, not bothering to ask why the boy didn't want him to when he obviously needed to speak to the SOLDIER.

Besides, Sephiroth would be coming out any minute now to ask whether the food was ready.

Cloud shifted on his feet awkwardly.

Zack suddenly bolted down the hall and back into the kitchen.

"Angeal! Do-you-have-any-old-newspapers-that-you-don't-want-anymore?"

Angeal arched an eyebrow at him and stared at his breathless student. "Uh, yeah. Over there."

"Thanks!" Zack grabbed a handful, then bolted back to the room.

Sephiroth's door opened and the man himself walked out casually, entering the kitchen without even looking at Cloud.

"Is it ready yet?" he asked with a sigh.

"Yeah, go get Genesis," Angeal replied. Sephiroth turned to do as asked, still not looking at Cloud and disappearing down the hall to knock on his friend's door.

Upon being summoned, Genesis grumbled about being dragged from the pages of his beloved LOVELESS. Yet for all his dramatic protests, the redhead still emerged from his bedroom and came out to sit at the dinner table and demand that Sephiroth set it.

"There's a lost Cadet in here, make him do it," Sephiroth replied.

Cloud went bright red.

"Aww, come on, don't pick on Cloud," Angeal said. "He was dragged here by Zack."

"Oh yeah, that's right. The puppy's staying the night," Sephiroth grouched before hesitating and looking over at Angeal with a confused expression. "Why did Zack bring a Cadet with him?"

Angeal shrugged, "Beats me."

"Uh, um, Z-Zack said it would be okay if I stayed over too... I can stay in his room if you want! You'll never even know I'm here!" Cloud said nervously, fidgeting with his hands and expecting Sephiroth to bite his head off any second.

"Why, did he burn your room down too?" Sephiroth asked coolly.

"Uh, no..." Cloud stammered.

"Hi guys!" Zack came bounding out into the room. "What's for dinner?"

"Whatever you brought, remember Zack? That was the agreement," Angeal said as he brought over two plates of food and set them in front of Sephiroth and Genesis' places on the table before going back for his own.

Zack wilted. "But I'm so _hun_gry," he whined.

"What happened to your own food?" asked Genesis.

"Burnt down with my apartment."

"That's what you get for being antagonised by Reno," Angeal sniggered. Zack humphed, realising he wasn't going to get any sympathy from this lot and proceeded to sit down at a spare spot.

Cloud was still standing awkwardly.

"Come on, Spike! Grab a seat," Zack said enthusiastically.

"Tell me again, why did you bring home a Cadet?" asked Sephiroth.

"'Cause I felt like it!" Zack said. Sephiroth rolled his eyes and muttered something rude under his breath. "Cloud, hurry up and sit down!"

Cloud slowly moved over to the table and sat beside Zack, staring down as he felt intimidated by the fact that he was largely outnumbered by SOLDIERs.

Not to mention the fact that he was an unexpected guest.

Zack sighed as he watched his friends eat. After tapping his fingers restlessly on the table, but receiving death glares from all the other SOLDIERs and hence stopping, he raised an eyebrow as an idea occurred to him.

"Hey, Seph, if you had a kid what would you call him?"

"Sephiroth junior."

"Heh," Zack turned his attention to Genesis. "Genny? What would you call your kid?"

"Minerva for a girl, but for a- Did you just call me Genny!"

"No, of course not!" Zack answered quickly. Genesis glared at him through narrowed eyes and refused to finish answering the question. "Angeal, how 'bout you?"

Angeal gave a withering sigh and stared pointedly at Zack. He knew what his young student was up to and he would have no part in it. Grinning sheepishly, Zack turned to Cloud.

"Spike? Uh, I mean, Cloud?"

"Um, I don't know. That... if it were to happen... is ages away," Cloud said quietly.

"You guys all suck," Zack pouted. "Now how am I gonna choose a name?"

"A name for what?" Sephiroth asked. "Are you planning on having a child soon yourself?"

"Well, you know, there are lots of hot girls around who just can't keep their hands off me!" Zack posed.

"So let them choose the name," Genesis shrugged.

"No! I have to choose now!" Zack protested.

"A little desperate, aren't you?" Sephiroth raised an eyebrow.

Zack opened his mouth to respond, then unexpectedly fell silent. Angeal rolled his eyes and muttered something about Zack being very _not_ subtle under his breath. Sephiroth glanced from Angeal to Zack, his eyes narrowing.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing! Not a thing. Why would I do anything? I wouldn't do anything, would I Angeal? Cloud, I wouldn't do anything would I? Of course not. Huh, what?"

"Shut up, you're rambling."

"Eheheh..." Zack fell silent.

After a few minutes of being ignored since everyone else had gone back to eating, Zack couldn't keep still and leapt to his feet.

"Cloud, I'm gonna go ask Kunsel what he'd name his kid if he had one, feel like coming?" he asked, watching his blond friend eagerly.

"Um," Cloud swallowed nervously and glanced around at the others, who were still eating and pretending nothing had happened. Clearly they didn't really care what Zack had done as long as it didn't affect them. "Well I-"

"Great! Let's go!"

Zack grabbed Cloud's arm and began pulling him towards the door, when suddenly a bang from down the hallway of the apartment sounded and made him freeze in horror, eyes wide and on the door to escape. He was obviously still contemplating leaving.

"What was that?" Sephiroth asked. "It came from the room you're staying in, Zack."

"Come on Zack, tell them," Angeal said, leaning back in his chair. "And don't even think about leaving now, you have to stay and deal with the consequences."

"Consequences?" Genesis asked, frowning at Angeal before looking at Zack again. "What have you done and when can I kill you?"

"It's not my fault!" Zack exclaimed as he spun around to face them, still holding Cloud's arm and almost swinging the cadet into the wall.

"A likely story," Sephiroth scoffed under his breath.

"No, really!" Zack went on. "It just looked so sad and alone, and I couldn't leave it by itself when it had been abandoned by its mother. I mean, that's just cruel! So I _had_ to bring it here! And I don't care what you all say, because I'm gonna look after it and make sure it never gets in your way and I won't let you hurt it and-"

"Whoa! Hold up Zack," Genesis exclaimed suddenly, standing from the table and staring at the younger SOLDIER with wide and disbelieving eyes. "Are you trying to say you _do_ have a child? And you left it in your room?"

Zack stared back at Genesis, a look of constipated confusion on his face. "Of course I don't have a kid, why would you think that?"

Before anyone could respond to his question, the door to his room was flung open and a small puppy full of energy and joy came bursting forth, running down the corridor and underneath the table until it reached Zack, leaping up and licking his face happily.

"Not a kid, no," Angeal sighed. "Just another puppy."

"_I will not tolerate having a puppy in my apartment! __Out! Now!_"

Sephiroth had risen from his chair and had a wild look in his eyes as he glared down at Zack. Cloud, who was still beside the culprit, felt unnerved by the expression on the 1st Class SOLDIERs face since it reminded him a great deal of the scientist Hojo.

"Zack, please, let's just go," Cloud pleaded quietly, wanting to get out before anything bad happened to him just for being associated with Zack.

"But my apartment burnt down!"

"And who's fault is that?" Sephiroth demanded to know.

"Well, not mine!" Zack said, having no better comeback than that.

"I told you they wouldn't allow it, Zack," Angeal said. "Go stay in Kunsel's room if you really have nowhere else to go."

"Why can't I stay here with you? I just wanna be with my friends! And you're not gonna turn Cloud out too, are you? What did he ever do to you? Are you just going to throw him out on the street all by himself to-"

Cloud suddenly found himself wrenched from Zack's grip and shoved around to the other side of the table by Sephiroth.

"There, we'll take Cloud but you have to go," Sephiroth said.

Cloud gawked.

Zack gawked.

"That's not fair! It's just a puppy!" Zack exclaimed, but Sephiroth had strode forward and was now pushing him out the door as quickly as he could. Zack latched his hands onto the doorpost to try and remain where he was, but Sephiroth made quick work of prising his fingers off and dumping him out in the corridor beyond.

The puppy, absolutely overjoyed to be near Zack, bounded out after him and continued to lick his face again as Sephiroth slammed the door shut.

Moving over to sit down again and gesturing for Cloud to sit as well, Sephiroth pushed his own plate over towards the cadet and raised an eyebrow.

"Hungry?"


End file.
